Old Years End

So for my final act of the old year, I asked the man in my life to marry me. I know it isn’t the most traditional way of doing things, but since when have I gone for the traditional way?!?! Anyway I decided that since we had been together for a year and a half and that since I love him I didn’t see any reason not to ask. I turns out that the reason I shouldn’t have asked is because he is “Not Ready”. I know it was not meant to be a reflection on his feelings for me per se, but that he was not ready for the whole institution of marriage at this time, but how do you tell your feeling that? I mean I was all sunny dispositions until I could excuse myself to be alone and then I cried for about 10 minutes. Now I’ve decided that all this means is that all the plans I need to make do not have to revolve around him at all. I want to take Joey on a nice vacation this summer, so Joey and I go for it (I’m thinking Puerto Rico). I want to get a place of my own, but because I do not have to consider him in this I don’t have to do it to fast. Believe it or not that means I can help out my parents out a little more, I can do more of the stuff I want to do before I actually go through the whole buying of a home deal. I can also see if he is really what I want. I mean if I finally am in the marrying frame of mind shouldn’t I find someone who is also of that mind? I love the guy dearly.